


Letters to the Dead

by lucidscreamer



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Afterlife, Anger, Canonical Character Death, Depression, Epistolary, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Get Together, Grief, Happy Ending, Love, M/M, Non-Canonical Character Death, Poetry, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Reconciliation, Reunion, Romance, Slash, Sort of a fix-it, Unreliable Narrator, at times - Freeform, last chapter is a ficlet, spoilers for the end of the series, vaguely ancient Egyptian themes, venting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-05
Updated: 2005-09-09
Packaged: 2018-01-26 02:17:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1671053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucidscreamer/pseuds/lucidscreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Over the years after the final duel, Yugi speaks to the departed Pharaoh through a series of "letters to the dead." In them, he attempts to work out his feelings of love, grief, anger, and longing.</p>
<p>There is happy ending awaiting on the other side...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This first poem is written in a deliberately archaic style, with language similar to that found in (translated) AE poetry. I did this for two reasons: (1) I wanted to experiment with this style and, (2) it felt right for Yugi's initial foray into writing his "letters" to Atem.
> 
> The rest of the poems in the series are modern free verse. The final chapter contains an actual short fic.

# Letters to the Dead: One

 

 

The voice of my heart speaks with slow sorrow.

My limbs lie heavy and cold, and I weep

for you are gone from me.

 

Honey is bitter as myrrh on my tongue;

the fatted goose cannot tempt me, and I weep

for you are gone from me.

 

O! Lord of my heart, your absence

is a heavy weight to bear, and I weep

for you are gone from me.

 

Amentet greets you with bread and water;

Wepwawet opens the way. And I weep,

for you are gone from me.

 

You are True of Voice, Justified.

Wait for me in the West. Though I weep,

one day, I shall follow you.

 

 

(c) Lucidscreamer  March 5, 2005


	2. Two

Letters to the Dead: Two

The Puzzle was my talisman,  
a golden charm to ward away my fears  
and loneliness...

Once, I wished upon its completion  
and it granted me my fondest dream:  
a friend.

My heart's companion,  
you were always there, a second soul  
cleaved to mine.

Your absence is a bitter wound to bear.  
A thousand times a day, I reach for you,  
for my talisman...

I would not keep you from Paradise;  
I know your spirit was weary of darkness  
and Shadow,

that even their King had grown tired  
of games. Your rest was paid for  
in blood.

The Gates of the West were open, and you  
said you had to go, that I could be  
myself now...and free.

But I am a selfish boy.  
My empty heart aches without you.  
And I am lost

in this  
tyranny  
of freedom.

(c) 03/10/2005 Lucidscreamer


	3. Three

Letters to the Dead: Three

 

I know you're gone. Empirical   
evidence can't be denied,  
[though heaven knows I've tried].

Your spirit's soft reflection  
no longer fills   
my heart's void, and I

can't hear the whisper  
of your voice within   
my solitary soul.

Late at night, no warm arms   
comfort me. No gentle   
caress dries my tears.

Even your Puzzle is gone,  
buried beneath the sand  
with the ruins of my fantasies.

Your image haunts me  
in mirrors, in dreams--  
taunts me from the dark

shadows in corners.  
Silence is my companion--  
constant, unwelcome,

and denial  
no longer simply  
that river in Egypt.

 

(c) March 11, 2005 Lucidscreamer

\----------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Another "Word of the Day" prompted this entry in the series, the word "empirical." Yes, the pun at the end is terribly cliched. Sorry.


	4. Four

Letters to the Dead: Four

 

How could you leave me  
alone   
in this crowd,

surrounded   
by solitude?  
No voice in my heart,

no room in my soul...  
An empty vessel,  
discarded, unwanted.

Cast aside,   
forgotten.  
What use is the Chosen

when destiny's fulfilled?

 

(c) March 16, 2005 Lucidscreamer


	5. Five

Letters to the Dead: Five

 

In the darkest hours,  
I hate you.  
For everything

I left unsaid  
between us;  
for every time

you held my hand,  
smiled for me alone,  
swore you'd always be

my friend  
in the darkest hours.  
I hate you

for your silence,  
your ghostly touch...  
your death.

My tears   
burn like acid, like anger,   
and I

bathe my soul in shadows  
washing myself away  
in the darkest hours.

 

(c) March 19, 2005 Lucidscreamer


	6. Six

Letters to the Dead: Six

 

There is a timelessness   
to loss. For every two steps   
forward, I seem to fall

so far behind.  
In unguarded eyes, I see  
blame no greater than my own.

Friends surround me,  
yet I am alone. Bereft  
of my companion soul.

In the space between dreams,  
I have felt your touch and known  
the reality of your love.

It's my fault you're gone.  
When no one's looking,  
I glare at reflections

making your face my own.  
When no one's listening,  
I call out your name, 

wishing. In dreams,   
I search for you--desolate,   
lost in endless mazes.

 

(c) April 4, 2005 Lucidscreamer


	7. Seven

Letters to the Dead: Seven

 

In dreams, you kiss me:  
wistful and greedy, desperate and needy  
as every wish I ever dared.

You whisper,  
"Your lips are sweeter than honey,  
more intoxicating than wine...

The sun rises in your smile  
and my heart rejoices  
when you are near me."

I lose myself  
inside your need, surrender  
every secret place to your desires,

offer my   
every adoration:   
heart and mind, body and blood

every portion of my soul  
yours to have and to hold.  
Waking, I am untouched.

Halved, again...  
every part of me my own and lonely,  
aching for your kiss.

 

(c)May 17, 2005 Lucidscreamer


	8. Eight

Letters to the Dead: Eight

 

"The love of my beloved is on yonder side  
A width of water is between us  
And a crocodile waiteth on the sandbank..."

 

I long for your love, my beloved,  
but the current is swift as the Belly of Stones  
between us; it carries me away from you.

Time moves as the River, too fast;  
I forget the once-familiar timber of your voice  
and your touch no longer haunts my dreams.

Still, my soul aches for you  
as you stand on the Western shore.  
But the River is wide

and a crocodile waits on the sandbank.

 

(c)8-24-2005 Lucidscreamer

Note: The quote at the beginning is from an ancient Egyptian love poem, translated by Dr. Barbara Mertz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: The quote at the beginning is from an ancient Egyptian love poem, translated by Dr. Barbara Mertz.


	9. Nine

Letters to the Dead: Nine

 

It's been so long...  
I'd forgotten how I once  
sent you my heart in letters,

the desperate act of a young   
fool...or an old one.  
No, to love you was not foolish.

Rather, to hide my love  
in wishes and dreams,  
loving you in silence...

I broke my own heart.  
And now that it's too late to speak,  
I find I can't be still.

I would shout to the heavens  
and hope you hear: I love you!  
My companion soul, my Pharaoh...

My beloved Other.  
After so long, do you still remember?  
After so long, could you take me back?

If I come to you now,  
old and gray...and a little wiser...  
would you love me?

 

Yugi felt the pen fall from his hand, but was too tired to retrieve it. He let it lie where it had fallen on the quilt, his other hand shaking only slightly as he held the paper on which he had written his final letter to Yami. 

And, in his heart of hearts, he knew it was his final letter; he would write no more, letters or anything else. He could feel his heart laboring inside his chest, feel the strain of drawing yet another breath. Strangely, he wasn't scared. His life had been a long and eventful one, his days filled with friends and the everyday adventure of living. He had been happy, he supposed, though a part of him had never stopped missing his "darker side" who was so full of light.

It was peaceful here, the sunlight from the window filling the room with a soft, golden glow. The warmth seemed to permeate his aching bones, easing the stiffness that had been his constant companion these last ten or so years. He relaxed with a sigh as the warmth seemed to fill him up, taking the strain from his heart, easing the breath in his lungs.

Yugi blinked his eyes open. He sat up with a fluidity that surprised him, and took a deep breath. When he looked around, the sterile hospital room was gone, replaced by walls on which brightly painted fish swam between blue water-lilies just opening to the sun. His bed was carved of some dark wood, the head slightly higher than the gilded footboard he could see just beyond his feet. Instead of the heavy quilt, he was covered with a sheet of finely-woven linen. Draperies of even finer linen, so sheer it was almost transparent, hung from the gilded frame surrounding his bed.

Cautiously, Yugi swung his feet to the tiled floor--again, surprised at how easy it was to do--and made his way to the edge of the raised dais on which the bed and its canopy sat. The rest of the room, far larger than his hospital room had been, was equally amazing, filled with wooden and woven reed chests, delicate-looking tables, and a single low-backed chair. All of it faded into nothing, though, when the door opened and a very familiar figure stepped into the room.

"Partner," said a deep voice so full of affection it sent a shiver down to Yugi's bare toes. "I have been waiting for you."

"Yami!" It was all Yugi could do to gasp out the name. He wanted to fling himself at the Pharaoh, to wrap his arms around that slender waist and never let go...but he couldn't get his frozen body to move. His eyes filled with tears, though exactly what emotion prompted them he would have been hard-pressed to say. "I...I've missed you so much!"

"As I have missed you." Yami was at Yugi's side in three long strides. He was dressed in a simple white kilt, his jeweled broad collar and armbands gleaming against his bronzed skin. A faint smile played across his lips as he gazed at the new arrival. "I hope you are not disappointed to find yourself here. I confess, I never did truly come to understand your modern beliefs..."

"No!" Yugi gaped at him. How could Yami think that he'd be disappointed? Hadn't he been dreaming of this for... He frowned suddenly, realizing what had to be happening. 

"I'm dreaming, aren't I?" Yugi crossed his arms defensively over his chest, nearly overwhelmed by the sinking sense of disappointment that settled uneasily in his stomach. His heart ached once more. "This is just another dream and when I wake up, you'll be gone again and I'll still be old and dying and I...I won't have been able to tell you..."

Yami cocked an eyebrow. "Tell me what?"

"...That I love you." Yugi's voice was very small, but Yami heard. He smiled, a true smile that lit up his entire face and took Yugi's breath away with its beauty.

"I love you, too, partner." Yami reached out and carefully enfolded Yugi in his arms, pulling him gently closer. "I always have."

He leaned down and added, his lips brushing Yugi's ear, "And this is no dream."

Unheeded, the tears spilled down Yugi's cheeks as he returned the warm, very real embrace. His heart felt as if it were soaring on falcon's wings, as if he could stretch out his hand and touch the golden disk of the sun.

He lifted his head and met Yami's tender gaze. "Never leave me again."

"I promise," Yami said, and bent to kiss him.

Joyfully, Yugi met him halfway.

 

\----------------------------

(c) 9-09-2005 Lucidscreamer

Author's Note: Well, that's the end. I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. All review responses can be found in my LiveJournal (look for the link in my profile). If you enjoyed this poem series, please take a look at my Yugioh AU novel "Chariots of the Gods" for more YamixYugi romance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Well, that's the end. I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. All review responses can be found at my Dreamwidth journal. (Look for "lucidscreamer.") [Archival note: This old note refers to response to the reviews on FF.net.]
> 
> If you enjoyed this poem series, please take a look at my Yugioh AU novel "Chariots of the Gods" for more YamixYugi romance.
> 
> \-------------  
> Originally published on Livejournal and Fanfiction.net in 2005.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: In ancient Egypt, a person might write a 'Letter to the Dead' (usually written on a bowl, though there are examples written on papyrus or linen), which would be left at the tomb of the deceased.


End file.
